Your Time Travel Pre-Flight Briefing Dec01


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Your Time Travel Pre-Flight Briefing

"Time Machine" | Art by Hideyoshi. Used with permission.

*Bing Bong*

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m Captain Preston, your timepilot. On behalf of myself and first officer Logan, I’d like to welcome you aboard Wells Timeways flight number ?. If you’ll direct your attention to the front of the craft, our chief flight attendant Sarah will give you a brief safety … um … briefing.

*Bing Bong*

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for travelling with us today… and tomorrow and tomorrow and all our yesterdays.

For those of you who are new to time travel, please pay close attention. For those of you who have travelled with us before, you already know what I’m going to say—but bear with me.

Before we begin, ensure that your carry-on luggage is safely stowed in the overhead bin or under the seat in front of you. Whether you’ve brought along your twelve monkeys, your source code, a ticking clock or a triangle please make certain you keep the safely stowed.

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, nothing will drop from the ceiling.

This timecraft is a Hartdegen 7{x}{y} and it has several built-in safety features. Chief among these is your 12-point restraint harness. You can fasten the harness by pulling the upper straps over your shoulders, wrapping the lower straps around your waist and putting the belt low and across your lap. Connect the harness by fastening tabs A, B, C, D, and F into buckles G, H, I, J, and L. Your cabin crew will be by to connect tabs E and K to ensure you won’t be able to get up without assistance.

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, nothing will drop from the ceiling. You’ll all be pulled irrevocably into the timeline, so there’s no point in trying to save you. As was clearly stated on your ticket: safety not guaranteed.

If you have a premonition of disaster, please keep it to yourself. We don’t want you to cause a paradox.

During our flight, you’ll have a lovely view of the timescape outside the starboard windows, while the port-side will have a lovely view of the starboard-side of the craft due to spatial distortion.

We may pass other timecraft during our flight such. If you see a phone booth, a gilded sled, or even a silver car – do not attempt to engage. If this was to have/will have/is going to have happened already we would know about it. It hasn’t happened, therefore it won’t.

If you have a premonition of disaster, please keep it to yourself.

When we arrive at our destination, don’t be alarmed by the sound of thunder as we land. You are free to explore and interact with others, but we ask that you avoid stepping on butterflies or interacting with your grandfather.

Do not attempt to meet your past self under any circumstances. Unless, of course, your past self has already met the you who is travelling with us today. In that case, you should make every effort to meet yourself. Unless your past self killed the you who is with us today in which case you should get off the timecraft now.

Should you accidentally get separated from the trip when we come back to the future, you can follow time’s arrow and try to live long enough to catch up to the present. This isn’t recommended, however, unless you are a Starfleet android or a bending unit.

The captain has signaled that we are prepared for our departure to somewhere in time, so sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight which has already happened. I’m your chief flight attendant, Sarah Connor, and I’d like to thank you for time travelling with us today.

Kevin Cummings

Kevin Cummings

Contributing Writer at Area of Effect
Kevin grew up reading the ABCs—Asimov, Bradbury and Clarke. Since then he's expanded his fandoms to include films, television, web series and any other geek property he can find.

He has been married to an extraordinarily patient woman for more than three decades and they have two adult sons. Kevin also has entirely too many DVD boxes with the words "Complete Series" on the cover. He enjoys exploring themes of faith through his fandoms.
Kevin Cummings