Things You Don’t Want Your DM to Say

"Red Wings" | Art by sandara. Used with permission.

It doesn’t matter what host of deities are included in a Dungeons & Dragons campaign—the Dungeon Master is lord of them all. It’s true, we wouldn’t have a game without a DM… but sometimes we wish they were a little less exultant about putting our characters through hell (sometimes literally). Here’s a list of things we’d rather not hear our DMs say. Add your additions in the comments section!

  1. “Everyone roll a perception check.” *Everyone rolls below 10.* “You notice the sun is rather bright today.”
  2. “So, everyone’s up to level 3, right? No one lower?” *announces random encounter*
  3. *Rolls dice and looks at the result* “Ooh, this will be fun.”
  4. “How many hit points do you have left?”
  5. *To players* “What time do you all need to leave tonight?”
  6. “Oh hey, I rolled a crit.”
  7. *After a really low roll on an investigation check* “You think it’s perfectly safe.”
  8. “More damage, I like it.”
  9. *After figuring out who’s keeping watch* “So you’re the one awake at midnight then.”
  10. “I’ve been thinking about your character this week . . .”
  11. *After a critical fail on a persuasion check* “Roll for initiative.”
  12. *On an NPC’s turn* “Can I borrow eight D6 from someone?”
  13. *Posted in the group chat before game night:*
Alex Mellen

Alex Mellen

Staff Writer at Area of Effect
Alex Mellen likes a little bit of everything, including movies, books, sports, music, crafts, and especially Star Wars. She works as a copyeditor for a small-town newspaper while freelance writing and editing on the side.
Alex Mellen