Dear Anakin, My fiance doesn’t agree

Art by shorelle - used with permission.

Art by shorelle – used with permission.

Dear Anakin,

My fiancé is a great guy and we’re madly in love, but he refuses to agree with me that a beach wedding is the greatest way to get married. Just think about it, the sunlight on the water, a cool breeze, and the warm sand between our toes. He wants to get married indoors somewhere, which I just can’t believe! I really love him and I don’t want to come across as a bridezilla, but I can’t imagine getting married inside when the beach is calling our names. What should I do?


Looking For Love In Alderaan Places

Dear Looking For Love In Alderaan Places,

That’s a real problem. First of all, don’t compromise. Any time you compromise in a relationship, it shows weakness. You should be compelling your loved ones to act in a way that serves you and your desires at all times. When speaking to your fiancé about the issue, stare at him wordlessly, without blinking, and sneer until he eventually accepts your demands. Don’t stop even if he asks you explicitly—he will break first. Your love should be the most powerful thing in the universe and if it’s not, you’re just pretending.

That being said, as much as I agree with your desire to control the outcome of every event you’re involved in, I have to disagree with the concept of a beach wedding. I hate sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. If you get married on a beach you’re basically inviting the worst thing in the galaxy into your marriage.

Powerfully Yours,


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Anakin Skywalker

Anakin Skywalker

Guest Writer at Area of Effect
Anakin will be the most powerful Jedi ever. He promises you. His hobbies include going on wild bantha chases, being a hero, brooding, dealing in absolutes, and staring at the woman of his dreams when she asks him not to.
Anakin Skywalker

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