Dungeons and Cookies

Dylan/Jeziel: All right, guys, I’m back. Gary/DM: Dude, thirty minutes for a bathroom break? Can we get back to the adventure now? Jake/Shade: Where were we? Logan/Mizzah: You’ve forgotten already? Jake/Shade: I got a little sleepy during Dylan’s quest to destroy another bathroom. I dreamt it was already Christmas morning. Gary/DM: Still Christmas Eve. Now, you are in the ice caves under Santa’s workshop. You’ve just reached a fork in the path. What do you want to do? Jake/Shade: I want to listen! Gary/DM: Roll for it. Jake/Shade: (crying) I rolled a one. Dylan/Jeziel: I told you to burn those dice and bury the ashes in the back yard. They’re cursed. Gary/DM: Your character has a problem with earwax buildup. He hears nothing. Jake/Shade: Can I try again? Gary/DM: Yep, at a minus five penalty. Jake/Shade: Ha! A twenty. Cursed? I don’t think so. Gary/DM: You clean out your ear and hear something down the right corridor. Jake/Shade: We’ll go towards the noise. Logan/Mizzah: Wait. Are you sure? What if Santa’s down the other direction? “They are discussing, in Drow, how to prepare Santa to sacrifice him to the spider queen.” Dylan/Jeziel: Then I guess the little children of the world can all blame Jake. Gary/DM: Guys, which way do you want to go? Jake/Shade: I go right! Logan/Mizzah: Fine. I follow. Dylan/Jeziel: Okay. Has my character eaten lately? I think he needs a snack break. *Crunching sound of gingerbread cookies being chowed down upon* Gary/DM: And where did Jeziel get those? Dylan/Jeziel: The last village we stopped at had a Krogers—buy ye one, get ye another free.” Gary/DM: I’ll allow it. Logan/Mizzah: Since you’re not going to share, can we get on with the game? Gary/DM: You hear voices. Jake/Shade: I hide in...