A ghazal for Gollum Jun30

A ghazal for Gollum

Our only wish to catch a fish so juicy sweet How delicious, what a dish, so juicy sweet Give it to us raw and wriggling I think it’s good We’ll grab its head, it makes a squish, so juicy sweet Fish and bones, they make a crunch, not like bread Bread is tasteless, especially elvish, not so juicy sweet We wants it bad, we needs it bad, we must have it We’ll kill them both, risky to accomplish, so juicy sweet It is the master who’ll take care of us NO he won’t Give in to it, give in to anguish, so juicy sweet SHE could do it, she could kill them, yes she could Then I can take it, it is our wish, so...

A sonnet for Sephiroth Jun26

A sonnet for Sephiroth

Oh where have ye gone, my foe Sephiroth? Ye go to Midgar or to northern cave? I aim to end ye, yes I swear I doth Your sword has murdered many SOLDIERS brave Each day alone I mourn my Cetra’s death You killed her, jerk, you killed her with your sword And as I knelt, I heard her dying breath For long I’ve cried tears I cannot afford Forsooth, your plot to call Meteor shall fail Faced with my limit break you will cower Even the glow of materia is pale Next to your lust for the life stream’s power For Aerith’s love remembered, I am weak But to this day on you, revenge I...

An acrostic for Armin Jun24

An acrostic for Armin...

A horrible disaster Rampaging abominations Many people eaten I was one of them, but no more Nay, I will slay them all All of them Really! All of them Listen to me Every day Relentlessly Talking about slaying the...

A haiku for the Hulk Jun19

A haiku for the Hulk

A tetractys for TK421 Jun17

A tetractys for TK421...

Why aren’t you at your post? If only you would go to target practice, like we ask Why can’t you accomplish this single task? I have no clue Why aren’t you at your post?

A ballad for Batman Jun12

A ballad for Batman

It only takes one day that’s bad You’ll never be the same I’ve stolen what you’ll sorely miss Come join me in the game Do save him if you think you can I’ll even give a clue It’s not a clock, but goes “tick-tock” And ends with a “KABOOM” You think your brain’s so powerful But can you guess my plan? Imagine that clock counting down Come stop me if you can At first I blackmailed Toddy’s mom To set the bait and hook They’re reunited now, it seems Why don’t you take a look? I’m not afraid to tell you that I’m crazy as a coot I will admit it. Why can’t you? Your sanity is moot Why else would you dress up like that Just like a flying rat? You’re just as mad as me, you know Give up your tit for tat You’ll be too late to save them now The mother or your friend You’ll blame yourself for both their deaths You’re right, it is the end The hour has come for me to run Though fun I’ve had with rhyme For like they say, it’s “Bombs away” Try working on your...

A limerick for Link Jun05

A limerick for Link

There once was a green-garbed young bloke who tried to tell Zelda a joke He wanted to say “… please press A” but no words came out when he spoke.

TV themes that we sing along to May22

TV themes that we sing along to...

Since May is our music-themed month, we will be regaling you with fun playlists every Friday. These are the geek television intros that are songs with lyrics by various bands.   “Big Bang Theory Theme” by Barenaked Ladies (The Big Bang Theory) We’re going wherever the music takes us, kitten. “Short Skirt Long Jacket” by Cake (Chuck) The first song in our stakeout mix. “Save Me” by Remy Zero (Smallville) This one is not in our stakeout mix. “Carry on my Wayward Son” by Kansas (Supernatural) This song reminds us we’re hungry for pie. “Bad Reputation” by Joan Jett (Freaks and Geeks) You know what happens to people with bad reputations, don’t you, Sam? They end up getting killed in...

TV themes that we never skip May15

TV themes that we never skip...

Since May is our music-themed month, we will be regaling you with fun playlists every Friday. These are the geek television intros that we never skip, because the music is so good. Either that, or our love for the show is so great that we associate it with the theme. We’re not sure which. Futurama Not sure if the Futurama theme is awesome or super awesome. Firefly I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, no power in the ‘verse can stop us listening to this theme with nostalgia. Warehouse 13 This theme was nominated for an Emmy in 2010, but it would have been put on a shelf and ignored forever. The IT Crowd With all due respect, I have it on good authority that if you listen to this theme more than once, you can break the Internet. So please, no one try it, even for a joke. It’s not a laughing matter. You can break the Internet. Battlestar Galactica This theme music has happened before, and it will happen again. So say we...

Video game music that we love May08

Video game music that we love

Since May is our music-themed month, we will be regaling you with fun playlists every Friday. This is some of our favourite tunes from awesome video games. We love that the Civilization IV song is the Lord’s Prayer. And also, Lindsey Stirling is one of our favourite musicians of all time; go listen to all her stuff on YouTube. “Zelda Medley” (Lindsey Stirling) This gives us the feels. Time to go play Ocarina of Time.   “Baba Yetu” (Civilization IV) This is actually the Lord’s Prayer in Swahili. It was the first video game theme nominated for a Grammy.   “Never Forget” (Halo) We will never forget how amazing the Halo soundtrack is.   “Fear Not This Night” (Guild Wars 2) This Guild Wars 2 song is our sandwich, along with the game itself.   “One Winged Angel” (Final Fantasy VII) You can’t go wrong with Final Fantasy music. Really, it’s all...

Geek songs that amuse us May01

Geek songs that amuse us

Since May is our music-themed month, we will be regaling you with fun playlists every Friday. Up first are our top five picks for silly songs. Give ’em a listen, give ’em a laugh. You can’t really go wrong with these. What are your favourite geek songs that amuse you? Did we miss any?   “Want You Gone” (Portal 2) The epitome of GLaDOS’ character is depicted in this song. We want to put her, Mal Reynolds, James Ford and Veronica Mars in a room together and see what happens.   “Bad Horse” (Doctor Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog) High-ho, Silver!   “The Mysterious Ticking Noise” (The Potter Puppet Pals) Once you try to perform this “song” in a group you realize how much fun it is. One of the Geekdom House Wandering Minstrels‘ better songs since it didn’t require us to stay on key.   “White and Nerdy” (Weird Al) Also, the original version with the Luigi death stare is high on our list of favourites.   “If I Didn’t Have You” (Howard Wolowitz) Our commander’s certain she’d be a goner if this song was used to serenade...

80s geek movie remakes we’re waiting for Apr17

80s geek movie remakes we’re waiting for...

There are no shortage of remakes happening these days in the geek culture scene. Robocop, anyone? Some of these movies, the ones done well, are absolutely amazing in introducing a whole new generation to the stories we loved as kids. But when they are done horribly, they are doomed to fade into the pit of obscurity, which there is no redemption from. Robocop, anyone? These are movie remakes we hope will happen. E.T. (1982) – Maybe you can secure funding through an Apple sponsorship by replacing the class Speak ’N Spell with an Apple watch. Dark Crystal (1982) – Mixing puppets and fantasy should be pause for concern, but these gems of obscurity can definitely be re-done beautifully with the right director (ie. not Michael Bay). The Neverending Story (1984) – Yet to our sorrow it ended. Nothing says awesome like Clifford the Giant Luck Dragon. Gremlins (1984) – Maybe this time we can finally learn how the “after midnight” rule is affected by different time zones. Back to the Future (1985) – Come October of this year there’s no more future in the iconic Back to the Future. It’s time to go back… to the future. Flight of the Navigator (1986) – Compliance! Highlander (1986) – Yes it was remade once as a TV show but it is such a solid story. Only problem is the stakes are so high. Remaking Highlander HAS to be great because there can be only one. The Princess Bride (1987) – I know, I know, it stands the test of time. It’s a classic, but an update would be nice. I mean it… Willow (1988) – Warwick Davis will be in Star Wars Episode VII but when was the last time Val Kilmer did anything interesting? Bill & Ted’s...

Nerd board of wisdom Apr10

Nerd board of wisdom

The geek ‘verse is packed with words of wisdom, some ridiculous, some awesome. Do you recognize these quotes? Take your guesses in the comments. No cheating now. 1. “A lesson without pain is meaningless. For you cannot gain anything without sacrificing something else in return, but once you have overcome it and made it your own…you will gain an irreplaceable fullmetal heart.” 2. “Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” 3. “Mercy is the mark of a great man.” [stab] “Guess I’m just a good man.” [stab] “Well, I’m all right.” 4. “Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.” 5. “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!” 6. “Don’t panic.” 7. “Don’t blink.” 8. “Rule #2: The double tap.” 9. “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life.” 10. “You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world...

D&D: The Last Supper Apr03

D&D: The Last Supper...

DM: Your adventure begins at the local tavern. Lots of trials and executions were going on in the kingdom this time of year so it was quite full. Each of you got relegated to a side room. The room was an awkward size, about 20 feet by 10 feet, and held only a single wooden table. Chairs were scattered about the table, 13 in total, and strangely only lined up on one side of the table. You all take your seats and await a drink and a meal when one well-spoken man, who sat in the middle of everyone, stands to talk. He’s familiar to everyone. “I have eagerly desired to eat this symbolic meal with you before I suffer,” he says. Jude: I want to slip some poison into his wine glass. Jim: What!? Seriously!? We’re just getting started and you’re already trying to sabotage the whole thing? Jude: I love playing chaotic neutral. DM: Sneak check. [DICE] 18 DM: Success. Jude: Dance puppets, dance. DM: He took the bread, gave thanks, and broke it. He passed the bread around to be shared. “Take this my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.” He shares the bread and then picks up the wine. Jude: Uh oh. DM: “This is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you,” he says. He gives thanks for the wine and passes it around. Inspired by his speech you all take a sip; everyone make a Con check. Jim: 14 Jimmy: 12 Jon: Natural 20, BAM. Don’t mess with me. Drew: 19, I’m no Jon but I’ll take it. Tom: 13, I think. Sam: 18 Theo: 17, DOMINATION! Bart: 16 plus 2, noble blood baby! Mack: 11 Phil: 8, GAH. I better...

The battle of cute and deadly Mar27

The battle of cute and deadly

Tired, old Yoda was strolling along through the Dagobah swamp like nothing was wrong when suddenly Mega Gnar popped out of the mist and pummeled into Yoda with his great, big fist Yoda force-shoved him back, Gnar landed on his feet Gnar leapt away through the air as they both felt the heat of a lightning bolt crashing between them on the ground and Pikachu came tumbling through the air with the sound of “Pika!” he cried as he zapped Gnar away then “Kupo!” Mog the moogle chose to join in the fray for a moment there was silence, when from out of the fog sinking teeth into Mog’s ear was the Rabbit of Caerbannog Then River Tam, Skull the Troll, Reepicheep, Krtek the mole, Mogwai Gizmo, the Duck of Doom, May Chang’s panda and Rocket Raccoon shouted “for Narnia!” and “Bring the pain!” and “I can kill you with my brain.” Killua Zoldyk sauntered in with a sigh dodging every strike like it was easy as pie Gizmo tried with a leap to jump on his head Gnar was standing by a tree and looking kinda fed Nibbler toddled in, confusion on his face Skull the Troll aimed to smash his head in with a mace Then Nibbler bared his teeth, they were ready to rend And he gobbled up the group entirely. So satisfied. The...

10 reasons to hate The 100 Mar20

10 reasons to hate The 100...

The 100 is a show riddled with plot holes, and drives us crazy. BUT for some reason, we can’t look away, and are still watching into its second season. Whether it’s just the stupid decisions the characters make, or science that doesn’t even try to make sense, here are some of the things that make us yell at the TV as we’re watching. 1. They send real-time life sign trackers to kids’ wrists and send them down to the planet to find out if it’s habitable—couldn’t they have sent a probe to do the same thing? 2. They call it “The Hundred” instead of “The One Hundred.” Apparently, we’ve been saying it wrong. 3. Unnecessary exposition. “Hey, that’s the girl they found under the floor!” 4. When someone explodes in a minefield, the group freak out and scamper away randomly further into the minefield. 5. Radiation permeates every cell of the body. A blood transfusion fixes this? 6. Anya dies. Only Joss Whedon has the right to kill our favourite characters. 7. Reavers… crazy, violent people who have lost their humanity. Again, who are you? Joss Whedon? 8. How does acid fog not permeate the tents you obviously bought at Wal-Mart? 9. The grounder word for blood is “juice”? 10. The grounders have developed an entire language, but it’s only been a few generations. AND they all speak English...

Characters who should have died but didn’t Mar13

Characters who should have died but didn’t

There will always be characters who just aren’t that interesting but are required to help drive the story along. Then there are the characters who do their best to burn the story to the ground. Here are our ten. 1. Delores Umbridge from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix We’re pretty sure she was more evil than Voldemort. 2. Dawn Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer It was always me me me me. Sure fine she was abandoned (in Joss’s words) by “about six parental figures” but whiny is whiny. 3. The entire Lannister line except Tyrion from Song of Ice and Fire ‘Cept we kinda like Jaime too. 4. Harry Kim from Star Trek: Voyager He’s kind of the Dawn Summers of the Star Trek universe. 5. Navi from Ocarina of Time “Hey, listen!” “You’re dead to me.” 6. The dog from Duck Hunt And now in Super Smash Bros. Wii U, he CAN die! 7. Willie Scott from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom This. 8. Slippy from StarFox Really? You’re in trouble AGAIN!? You need my help AGAIN!? How about no? 9. Rose Thomas from Fullmetal Alchemist Dress up in a frog costume and fly a space-ship already. 10. Jar Jar Binks from The Phantom Menace We made him last so you can channel all your hate there. Okay, so who’d we...

Game comments that may end in your death Mar06

Game comments that may end in your death

Board games have the potential to bring people together in genuine and beautiful community. But once in a while, a single phrase can tear down everything. So listen. your life depends on this. Don’t say them. Don’t even think them. Say them and you’re dead. They might come to you fast. Faster than you can believe. Don’t turn your back, don’t look away, and don’t say them. Good luck. 1. “I will sell you all my properties for $1.” 2. *halfway through the game* “What time is it? Oh, I should go.” 3. “Oops, I bent your cards.” 4. “You realize Alli’s about to screw you over by [insert ingenious plan and ruin it here], right?” 5. “Well if you trade with me I’ll give you a brick and a back rub later.” 6. “I’ll just throw all the pieces into the box. You can sort it later.” 7. “Well I only lost because [insert long whining rant here].” 8. *Five minutes of silence goes by* “Oh, it’s my turn?” 9. “I’m not going to trade with you because you always win.” 10. “Let’s gang up on...

My Little Churches, My Little Churches… Feb26

My Little Churches, My Little Churches…...

You know those jokes where the knowledge required to actually get said joke is so specific and so niche that only a handful of people will understand—but those who do will definitely think it’s funny? This is one of those and I think it is hilarious (Yes, I shamelessly laugh at my own memes). In this instance, you have to be a Brony, Pega-sister, or have a small child that has discovered the magic that is friendship on Netflix AND be familiar with the church denomination scene in Winnipeg. If you fit this bill here is your virtual high five. Check out the churches for yourself – for reference of course. Westminster United Church St. Margaret’s Anglican Church Church of the Rock Bethel Mennonite Church Springs Church The Vineyard...

Star Wars names left on the drawing board Feb20

Star Wars names left on the drawing board...

What names did George Lucas toss around before coming to the final decision? We dug through a few trash bins and found these. 1. The Centennial Pigeon “Can make the Kestrel Run in less than twelve hundred parsecs.” 2. Luke Moonwalker “The name’s Moonwalker. Luke Moonwalker.” 3. Kleenex Hunter That’s before the deal with Bounty came through. 4. Episode VI: “The Fault in our Death Star” Imperial Officer: We count 30 Rebel ships, Lord Vader, but they’re so small they’re avoiding our turbo lasers! Darth Vader: This time, close the exhaust ports. 5. Death Moon “That’s no moon. Oh, wait…” 6. Princess Freya Think of the cross-overs! 7. Admiral KlondikeBar “I would do anything for you, admiral.” 8. Darth Paul A Sith apprentice who is blinded, sees the error of his ways, and becomes a great Jedi master. Apparently the story has been done before. 9. Lumpawaroo a.k.a. Lumpy Oh… that did make it past the drawing board. 10. Padme Armadillo “I will protect the...