Superheroes Who Didn’t Make the Cut Aug26

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Superheroes Who Didn’t Make the Cut

Superhero image by Romolo Tavani/Adobe Stock. Noodle image by Capeman29/Adobe Stock.
With the worldwide success of the Avengers franchise, applications for non-existent openings have been coming in from all over. Fans of the comics know that there have been a few less-than-stellar Avengers over the years (*cough* Gilgamesh), but these never before seen applications never left Jarvis’s desk. These “heroes” won’t make the Avengers.

Noodle Man
Real name: Tom Perkins
Powers and Notable Talents: I have harnessed the power of limp noodles.
Method of Transportation: Noodle-cycle; my mom’s Acura.
Catchphrase: Uh oh, spaghettiOs!

Menno-Momma
Real Name: Elveria Rempel
Powers and Notable Talents: Guilt; passive aggression; baking
Method of Transportation: Access to the church mini-van
Catchphrase: “Call your mother!”

The Snuffer
Real Name: Leon Murdock (no relation)
Powers and Notable Talents: Whenever I am around, some lights mysteriously, and without warning, go out. I’m not sure why, and I can’t predict which lights will go out, but I thought that might help with the element of surprise.
Method of Transportation: City transit.
Catchphrase: “Lights out?”

White Man
Real name: Chester K. Smith
Powers and Notable Talents: Privilege.
Method of Transportation: I am propelled by my sense of my own importance.
Catchphrase: Let’s Make [x] Great, Again… for me!

The Mosquito
Real name: Classified
Powers and Notable Talents: N/A
Method of Transportation: N/A
Catchphrase: Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Michael Boyce

Michael Boyce

Staff Writer at Area of Effect
Michael W. Boyce teaches English Lit and Film Studies in Winnipeg. He's published on Hitchcock, Alec Guinness and James Bond. He likes coffee. A lot.
Michael Boyce

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