Superheroes Who Didn’t Make the Cut Aug26

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Superheroes Who Didn’t Make the Cut

Superhero image by Romolo Tavani/Adobe Stock. Noodle image by Capeman29/Adobe Stock.
With the worldwide success of the Avengers franchise, applications for non-existent openings have been coming in from all over. Fans of the comics know that there have been a few less-than-stellar Avengers over the years (*cough* Gilgamesh), but these never before seen applications never left Jarvis’s desk. These “heroes” won’t make the Avengers.

Noodle Man
Real name: Tom Perkins
Powers and Notable Talents: I have harnessed the power of limp noodles.
Method of Transportation: Noodle-cycle; my mom’s Acura.
Catchphrase: Uh oh, spaghettiOs!

Menno-Momma
Real Name: Elveria Rempel
Powers and Notable Talents: Guilt; passive aggression; baking
Method of Transportation: Access to the church mini-van
Catchphrase: “Call your mother!”

The Snuffer
Real Name: Leon Murdock (no relation)
Powers and Notable Talents: Whenever I am around, some lights mysteriously, and without warning, go out. I’m not sure why, and I can’t predict which lights will go out, but I thought that might help with the element of surprise.
Method of Transportation: City transit.
Catchphrase: “Lights out?”

White Man
Real name: Chester K. Smith
Powers and Notable Talents: Privilege.
Method of Transportation: I am propelled by my sense of my own importance.
Catchphrase: Let’s Make [x] Great, Again… for me!

The Mosquito
Real name: Classified
Powers and Notable Talents: N/A
Method of Transportation: N/A
Catchphrase: Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Michael Boyce

Michael Boyce

Staff Writer at Area of Effect
Michael W. Boyce is afflicted with severe boredom because he has a brain the size of a planet and he seldom gets the chance to use it at its full capacity. He boasts of a Ravenclaw education and we consider him to be our Yoda.

Michael teaches English Literature and Film Studies. He is a professor at Booth University College in Winnipeg and his other publications are scholarly works. He's published on Hitchcock, Alec Guinness and James Bond. He likes coffee. A lot. And Jonah Ray follows him on Twitter.
Michael Boyce