In Case You Missed Your Hogwarts’ Acceptance Letter Sep08

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In Case You Missed Your Hogwarts’ Acceptance Letter

Background screenshot from Spider-Man: Homecoming.

Maybe you’re not heading to Hogwarts or Starfleet Academy, but good news, everyone! There are some other amazing options out there.

Jack Sparrow’s Colloquy of Sailing and Diplomacy

Students at this prestigious institution will learn the basics of sailing in an authentic haunted vessel. Navigation is covered with special emphasis on using magic tools to find your heart’s desire. The basics of Caribbean diplomacy—including misdirection, bait-and-switch, and general skullduggery—are at the heart of our instruction. Whether you want to serve on a pirate crew or master your own vessel, Jack Sparrow’s school is for you! And, best of all, you can pay your tuition in rum!

The Guy-in-the-Chair College

Want to be part of the superhero scene without all the spandex, physical exertion, and danger? The Guy-in-the-Chair Academy is the place for you! You’ll learn valuable skills such as “looking things up on the internet” and “looking other things up on the internet, but on a different computer.” With particular emphasis on “finding the answer just in the nick of time,” our esteemed faculty include Wade Load, Chloe O’Brien, and Ned Leeds. Cypher, the founder of the college, is sadly no longer available to teach.

The Hoban Washburne Memorial Flight School

Tired of being stuck just watching all of those cool space maneuvers on screen? Want to get in on the action? Transmit your application today!

Study the art and science of “On Time Delivery” and “Flying with Instruments” with Turanga Leela. Or spend some time on “Improvised Piloting” with co-instructors Poe and Finn. Gain real skills in “Evasion and Exposition” with Hikaru Sulu.

The Winchester Institute of Monster Hunting

Founded by the Winchester family, all courses at the institute are taught by Sam and Dean. Class sessions are held approximately whenever they are in town. Subjects covered include forgetting everything you thought you knew about mythology ‘cause it’s not really like that, surviving death, and maintaining focus for a more than a decade. Preferential admission for students with a tragic backstory, preferably involving their mother.

Mr. Robot’s Cybersecurity Conservatory

Hello friend. Do you want to learn all about cybersecurity? Would you like to be able to join the elite ranks of pen testers? Can you imagine changing the world? I can. Join me and we can make a difference, at least a difference to E-corp. Maybe you’ll even get to meet our founder, Mr. Robot.

Cecil Palmer’s Academy of Radio Journalism

Located in the perfectly ordinary desert town of Night Vale, Cecil’s Academy will teach you all you need to know to succeed in the competitive field of radio journalism. You’ll learn how NOT to report on the Sheriff’s Secret Police, how NOT to talk about the dog park, and how NOT to discuss the shape in Grove park that no one ever talks about. In fact, it’s probably better if you don’t enroll. Just forget we said anything about the academy. It’s not for you.

Kevin Cummings

Kevin Cummings

Staff Writer at Area of Effect
Kevin grew up reading the ABCs—Asimov, Bradbury and Clarke. Since then he's expanded his fandoms to include films, television, web series and any other geek property he can find.

He has been married to an extraordinarily patient woman for more than three decades and they have two adult sons. Kevin also has entirely too many DVD boxes with the words "Complete Series" on the cover. He enjoys exploring themes of faith through his fandoms.
Kevin Cummings