Dungeons and Cookies

"Adventurers" | Art by kkkiri. Used with permission.

Dylan/Jeziel: All right, guys, I’m back.

Gary/DM: Dude, thirty minutes for a bathroom break? Can we get back to the adventure now?

Jake/Shade: Where were we?

Logan/Mizzah: You’ve forgotten already?

Jake/Shade: I got a little sleepy during Dylan’s quest to destroy another bathroom. I dreamt it was already Christmas morning.

Gary/DM: Still Christmas Eve. Now, you are in the ice caves under Santa’s workshop. You’ve just reached a fork in the path. What do you want to do?

Jake/Shade: I want to listen!

Gary/DM: Roll for it.

Jake/Shade: (crying) I rolled a one.

Dylan/Jeziel: I told you to burn those dice and bury the ashes in the back yard. They’re cursed.

Gary/DM: Your character has a problem with earwax buildup. He hears nothing.

Jake/Shade: Can I try again?

Gary/DM: Yep, at a minus five penalty.

Jake/Shade: Ha! A twenty. Cursed? I don’t think so.

Gary/DM: You clean out your ear and hear something down the right corridor.

Jake/Shade: We’ll go towards the noise.

Logan/Mizzah: Wait. Are you sure? What if Santa’s down the other direction?

“They are discussing, in Drow, how to prepare Santa to sacrifice him to the spider queen.”

Dylan/Jeziel: Then I guess the little children of the world can all blame Jake.

Gary/DM: Guys, which way do you want to go?

Jake/Shade: I go right!

Logan/Mizzah: Fine. I follow.

Dylan/Jeziel: Okay. Has my character eaten lately? I think he needs a snack break.

*Crunching sound of gingerbread cookies being chowed down upon*

Gary/DM: And where did Jeziel get those?

Dylan/Jeziel: The last village we stopped at had a Krogers—buy ye one, get ye another free.”

Gary/DM: I’ll allow it.

Logan/Mizzah: Since you’re not going to share, can we get on with the game?

Gary/DM: You hear voices.

Jake/Shade: I hide in the shadows.

Logan/Mizzah: My sword is out.

Dylan/Jeziel: I’m preparing a fireball spell, and motion Mizzah to take the lead.

Logan/Mizzah: Why is it always me?

Jake/Shade: ‘Cause you have the lowest intelligence. No great loss if you die.

Gary/DM: You creep forward—Mizzah in front, whining like a little girl, Shade hiding, and Jeziel ready to fire up the first Christmas roast he sees. At the end of the tunnel is a narrow opening leading into a dimly lit room.

Logan/Mizzah: Let’s approach it.

Gary/DM: Roll a dexterity check.

Dylan/Jeziel: Yes!

Logan/Mizzah: Nailed it.

Jake/Shade: Crap. I rolled a one.

Dylan/Jeziel: This is our graceful thief??

Gary/DM: Shade runs into a wall and falls over. But fortunately, no one hears him. Reaching the opening, you see that it’s the size of a small doorway. In front of you is an alcove. Off to your right, you hear the voices.

Logan/Mizzah: I peek into the room.santa-dragon2

Gary/DM: You see one dark elf.

Logan/Mizzah: Is there enough cover for me to slip inside unseen?

Gary/DM: Roll for it.

Logan/Mizzah: Seventeen!

Gary/DM: All right, you slip into the room and hide behind an outcropping of rocks.

Jake/Shade: What does Mizzah see now?

Logan/Mizzah: Yeah, what do I see?

Gary/DM: You, Mizzah, see a half dozen dark elves gathered around Santa, who is held captive by thick strands of spider webbing.

Dylan/Jeziel: I’m going to join Mizzah.

Jake/Shade: Hey, don’t leave me behind! I follow.

Dylan/Jeziel: I use my shell of magical translation to listen in to their conversation.

Gary/DM: They are discussing, in Drow, how to prepare Santa to sacrifice him to the spider queen. After that, they’ll enslave his elves to work in the mines.

Dylan/Jeziel: We can’t let that happen! I prepare to launch my fireball.

Logan/Mizzah: Shade, are you ready with your magic daggers?

Jake/Shade: Just say the word!

Logan/Mizzah: All right, on my mark. Three, two…”

“Sorry, dude. Traditions before missions.”

Dylan/Jeziel: Wait!

Jake/Shade: What!?

Dylan/Jeziel: Guys, it’s 10:30. I have to go.

Gary/DM: Go where?

Dylan/Jeziel: Our church is having a candlelight service for Christmas Eve. I never miss it.

Logan/Mizzah: I forgot about that! Yeah, we need to go.

Gary/DM: Really?? You just want to put the game on hold?

Jake/Shade: What about Santa? The dark elves? Think of the children!

Dylan/Jeziel: We can pick it up again after Christmas!

Gary/DM: Actually, there is a party with my fam I could be going to. Maybe I’ll head there tonight…

Logan/Mizzah: See, we’ll finish the quest after Santa arrives with the presents.

Jake/Shade: I don’t know… Sounds like there won’t be a Santa to deliver presents if we don’t stop those dark elves! Sure you guys can’t finish tonight?

Dylan/Jeziel: Sorry, dude. Traditions before missions.

Logan/Mizzah: We could start a new tradition: D&D after Christmas, where we travel back in time 24 hours to save the Christmas that never was!

Jake/Shade: Yeah, I guess…

Dylan/Jeziel: Tell you what, I’ll bring all the leftover food from our family celebration. There will be cake, pies, and gingerbread cookies from ye neighbourhood Krogers.

Jake/Shade: All right, I’m in!

Alex J. Cavanaugh

Alex J. Cavanaugh

Alex J. Cavanaugh has a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree and works in web design, graphics, and technical editing. He’s the author of Amazon Best-Sellers CassaStar, CassaFire, CassaStorm, and Dragon of the Stars. Alex lives in the Carolinas with his wife. You can connect with Alex at alexjcavanaugh.com.
Alex J. Cavanaugh

Latest posts by Alex J. Cavanaugh (see all)