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Dylan/Jeziel: All right, guys, I’m back.
Gary/DM: Dude, thirty minutes for a bathroom break? Can we get back to the adventure now?
Jake/Shade: Where were we?
Logan/Mizzah: You’ve forgotten already?
Jake/Shade: I got a little sleepy during Dylan’s quest to destroy another bathroom. I dreamt it was already Christmas morning.
Gary/DM: Still Christmas Eve. Now, you are in the ice caves under Santa’s workshop. You’ve just reached a fork in the path. What do you want to do?
Jake/Shade: I want to listen!
Gary/DM: Roll for it.
Jake/Shade: (crying) I rolled a one.
Dylan/Jeziel: I told you to burn those dice and bury the ashes in the back yard. They’re cursed.
Gary/DM: Your character has a problem with earwax buildup. He hears nothing.
Jake/Shade: Can I try again?
Gary/DM: Yep, at a minus five penalty.
Jake/Shade: Ha! A twenty. Cursed? I don’t think so.
Gary/DM: You clean out your ear and hear something down the right corridor.
Jake/Shade: We’ll go towards the noise.
Logan/Mizzah: Wait. Are you sure? What if Santa’s down the other direction?
Dylan/Jeziel: Then I guess the little children of the world can all blame Jake.
Gary/DM: Guys, which way do you want to go?
Jake/Shade: I go right!
Logan/Mizzah: Fine. I follow.
Dylan/Jeziel: Okay. Has my character eaten lately? I think he needs a snack break.
*Crunching sound of gingerbread cookies being chowed down upon*
Gary/DM: And where did Jeziel get those?
Dylan/Jeziel: The last village we stopped at had a Krogers—buy ye one, get ye another free.”
Gary/DM: I’ll allow it.
Logan/Mizzah: Since you’re not going to share, can we get on with the game?
Gary/DM: You hear voices.
Jake/Shade: I hide in the shadows.
Logan/Mizzah: My sword is out.
Dylan/Jeziel: I’m preparing a fireball spell, and motion Mizzah to take the lead.
Logan/Mizzah: Why is it always me?
Jake/Shade: ‘Cause you have the lowest intelligence. No great loss if you die.
Gary/DM: You creep forward—Mizzah in front, whining like a little girl, Shade hiding, and Jeziel ready to fire up the first Christmas roast he sees. At the end of the tunnel is a narrow opening leading into a dimly lit room.
Logan/Mizzah: Let’s approach it.
Gary/DM: Roll a dexterity check.
Logan/Mizzah: Nailed it.
Jake/Shade: Crap. I rolled a one.
Dylan/Jeziel: This is our graceful thief??
Gary/DM: Shade runs into a wall and falls over. But fortunately, no one hears him. Reaching the opening, you see that it’s the size of a small doorway. In front of you is an alcove. Off to your right, you hear the voices.
Logan/Mizzah: I peek into the room.
Gary/DM: You see one dark elf.
Logan/Mizzah: Is there enough cover for me to slip inside unseen?
Gary/DM: Roll for it.
Gary/DM: All right, you slip into the room and hide behind an outcropping of rocks.
Jake/Shade: What does Mizzah see now?
Logan/Mizzah: Yeah, what do I see?
Gary/DM: You, Mizzah, see a half dozen dark elves gathered around Santa, who is held captive by thick strands of spider webbing.
Dylan/Jeziel: I’m going to join Mizzah.
Jake/Shade: Hey, don’t leave me behind! I follow.
Dylan/Jeziel: I use my shell of magical translation to listen in to their conversation.
Gary/DM: They are discussing, in Drow, how to prepare Santa to sacrifice him to the spider queen. After that, they’ll enslave his elves to work in the mines.
Dylan/Jeziel: We can’t let that happen! I prepare to launch my fireball.
Logan/Mizzah: Shade, are you ready with your magic daggers?
Jake/Shade: Just say the word!
Logan/Mizzah: All right, on my mark. Three, two…”
Dylan/Jeziel: Guys, it’s 10:30. I have to go.
Gary/DM: Go where?
Dylan/Jeziel: Our church is having a candlelight service for Christmas Eve. I never miss it.
Logan/Mizzah: I forgot about that! Yeah, we need to go.
Gary/DM: Really?? You just want to put the game on hold?
Jake/Shade: What about Santa? The dark elves? Think of the children!
Dylan/Jeziel: We can pick it up again after Christmas!
Gary/DM: Actually, there is a party with my fam I could be going to. Maybe I’ll head there tonight…
Logan/Mizzah: See, we’ll finish the quest after Santa arrives with the presents.
Jake/Shade: I don’t know… Sounds like there won’t be a Santa to deliver presents if we don’t stop those dark elves! Sure you guys can’t finish tonight?
Dylan/Jeziel: Sorry, dude. Traditions before missions.
Logan/Mizzah: We could start a new tradition: D&D after Christmas, where we travel back in time 24 hours to save the Christmas that never was!
Jake/Shade: Yeah, I guess…
Dylan/Jeziel: Tell you what, I’ll bring all the leftover food from our family celebration. There will be cake, pies, and gingerbread cookies from ye neighbourhood Krogers.
Jake/Shade: All right, I’m in!