Dalek inaugurated as new supreme Pontiff Oct07

Dalek inaugurated as new supreme Pontiff...

In an unprecedented move this week, several German high ranking clergy have openly declared that they no longer consider themselves to be under the authority of Pope Francis, but instead have pledged their allegiance to a Dalek. This follows several months of progressively dissenting behaviour in which the aforementioned clergy were trying their level best to change Christ’s teachings on marriage and family, sexuality, and reception of the sacraments. In a statement released by the group, Cardinal Walter Kasper states that “Our new Pontiff is an incredibly sweet and thoughtful mutant who wants everybody to be happy.” The inauguration happened last Thursday in a low key ceremony in which it was reported there were “guitars.” The new pontiff, who has taken the name Daal XVI, has wasted no time in issuing his first papal document entitled “Exterminatus” in which he discusses wiping out all of humanity by utilizing their own sinful tendencies. The 38-word document also quotes never before heard scripture—the Gospel of Davros. When asked about the rather concise nature of the document, Cardinal Reinhard Marx explained: “We felt it was important to choose a Pontiff who had a very limited vocabulary. In this way it would be almost impossible for us to dissent from his teachings because we can pretty much interpret his one-word theological answers however we want.” However it is also being reported by several different sources that the new Pontiff has an extremely short temper and is liable to sudden outbursts. An eyewitness at the inauguration ceremony told us that “Everything was going smoothly with the opening procession until Pope Daal got to the sanctuary steps. No-one had remembered to put a ramp there for him to roll up and he just totally lost it. Everyone knows Daleks can’t climb stairs....